The Lamest Show On Earth: Rango

You ever go back and watch some of the shows on Nickelodeon that you watched when you were a kid? If so, I'm sure you've found yourself wondering how the hell Ren & Stimpy got the green light. And what the hell, Are You Afraid Of The Dark is really fuggin' scary, especially for little kids. And for everybody that is and was a video game fan, why were the contestants on Nick Arcade so terrible? What does any of this have to do with Rango? Outside of that it was made by Nick, nothing really. I just like remembering when TV didn't suck so much. Curse you, reality TV!

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Rango (voiced by Johnny Depp) is a pet chameleon who fancies himself a master thespian, but finds his latest bit of acting lacks any sort of conflict for the main character. It's about this time that the car he's riding in swerves to avoid an armadillo, and his terrarium is thrown out the back. The now stranded lizard talks to the armadillo the car hit, named Roadkill (voiced by Alfred Molina, the "Sister Christian" loving drug dealer from Boogie Nights), who directs him to first find Dirt if he hopes to find water to quench his thirst. On his way through the desert, Rango meets Beans (voiced by Isla Fisher, who is married to Borat), a desert iguana with a habit of freezing mid-sentence (a defense mechanism, she assures him). Beans gives Rango a ride to the town of Dirt.

Rango and his posse ride off
in search of the stolen water.

Dirt is suffering from a drought. Locals who can't survive anymore are packing up and leaving. Rango, on his arrival, is immediately conspicuous as a stranger. At a local saloon, he concocts the persona of Rango to test his acting chops and gain the admiration of the local townsfolk. At the saloon, as Rango is basking in the limelight his improvisation has garnered, Bad Bill, the local thug, comes in and, after a brief altercation, challenges Rango to a duel. Mid duel, Bill is run off by a hawk that Rango had encountered earlier in the desert and who has returned to finish him off. A struggle ensues and Rango ends up dropping a water tower on the hawk. For his bravery, Rango is made the new sheriff of Dirt. His first task: find out where the water has gone.

After the local bank's reserves, a water bottle with only a few days of water left in it, are stolen, Rango organizes a posse to find the missing water. The trail leads to a family of moles who have the water bottle. After a grand chase, the water bottle is found to be empty and the moles inform Rango that they had been beaten to the punch when trying to rob the bank. Bringing the moles back to town, Beans discovers that the mayor has been buying up the now unusable land all over town. She shares her concerns with Rango. He confronts the mayor, who denies having anything to do with the water shortage, but shows Rango the new town he's building. As Rango departs, the mayor calls in Rattlesnake Jake (voiced by Bill Nighy, Davy Jones from one of Johnny Depp's other small films, Pirates of the Carrbbean: Dead Man's Chest), a gunslinger who, prior to the death of the hawk, had left Dirt in peace.

» How does it end? «

Jake the (Rattle)Snake

Rango is another in a long line of "bumbling idiot beats the bad guys through his own incompetence" films. Although he is but a simple house pet, Rango portrays himself as larger than life to win the admiration of the local townsfolk. When his imagined bravado is put to the test, he ultimately prevails, but only by accidentally shooting one of the lines supporting the disused water tower. His promotion to sheriff is a ruse by the mayor to give the townspeople hope when he knows they truly have none. In one of his many acts as sheriff, he directs the moles attempting to break into the bank in the right direction when they become lost, mistaking them for unlicensed gold prospectors. In the fight with the mole family for the stolen water bottle, his unintentional actions turn the tide after his attempt to portray his posse as a troupe of actors fails. Every sticky situation Rango escapes is just another in a string of dumb luck encounters. This does make the film a little predictable.

Rango is actually a pretty OK film for older kids. There's a lot of action, so it's probably too much for small kids in the sub 5-6 year old range, but the worst language you'll encounter is a couple of "hell"s and "damn"s, which I can guarantee your kids have probably heard by now (especially if you've recently done any home improvement or carpentry projects). Rattlesnake Jake is probably the scariest character, but really, he's a rattlesnake, that should come as no surprise. The movie was panned by some for its smoking, but really wasn't that prevalent. More of a reflection of the style of the film (old western), it's obviously not some attempt to turn the movie into a Marlboro ad. So no worries, your 7 year old can survive a viewing of Rango. But it wouldn't hurt for you to watch it with them, at least for the younger ones.

The film also has a few nods to grown-ups, as the more recent family films do. Early on, Rango ends up as a bug on the windshield of a car driven by a Hunter S. Thompson character, the subject of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (who happened to be played by Johnny Depp). There are also several Western movie nods, and few more subtly adapted scenes that the older viewers may pick up on but kids will just think are awesome action scenes.

So overall, Rango is a pretty decent family film. There's nothing spectacular about it, it's not going to be a Citizen Kane-esque masterpiece that changes the world (which it doesn't try to be, by any means), but it's definitely well done. The graphics are high quality, given that a lot of characters have whiserky faces and little hairs that would be annoyingly obvious if poorly rendered. The overall theme of the film, about finding one's place in life, is a little existential, but is good for kids since no doubt they'll soon be facing their own "what am I going to do with my life?" questions down the road. It is well paced, there are few, if any, slow spots. The general story is a little clichéd, but it doesn't detract from the film outside of the predictability. The movie isn't hilariously funny, but has a few chuckle moments, as well as a few cute moments. So while not as super kid friendly as say Cars or Toy Story, it's still a relatively safe family movie for everyone to enjoy.

Ron Perlman hopes to land a similar role where he gets lost in the desert, discovers a small town suffering from a drought, and saves the day by being gruff as hell.