The Lamest Show On Earth: Trollhunter

For a movie that has so many strikes against it right out of the gate, I was pleasantly surprised by Trollhunter. Note that even though it looks like two words on the box art, it's actually one word. Also note that on same said box art, that truck is actually driving under a troll's twig and berries. Ah, but there'll be plenty of time to complain and bore you after the recap.

Or just get to it now...

A group of university students investigating reports of illegal bear poaching in Norway arrive on the scene of the most recent killing. They set up and interview several of the local licensed bear hunters who explain that one needs a license to hunt bears, that the tracks around this particular bear look a little odd, and that it seems the bear has been left here instead of actually being killed where it lies. They also interview Finn Haugen, head of the Norwegian Wildlife Board. Finn dismisses the claims of the bear hunters. The students seem somewhat more inclined to believe the hunters. The hunters also discuss an unknown man who appeared recently and may be the one responsible for the bear poaching, though none of them can prove it.

The students, named Thomas (the interviewer), Johanna (the sound girl), and Kalle (the cameraman), eventually track down the mysterious hunter, who lives in a foul-smelling trailer and only goes out at night. They follow him attempting to get an interview multiple times and are repeatedly rebuked by the hunter, who tells them to go away and leave him alone. The continue to track the hunter, whose name is Hans, following him out into the woods hoping to catch him possibly in the act. In the distance, they see several bright flashes of light, along with distintly not-a-bear animal roars. Suddenly, Hans comes running towards them, screams "Troll!" and tears off back the way they came. The students hear the sound of crashing through the trees and follow suit, hauling ass back to Hans' Land Rover. On the way back, Thomas is bit in the shoulder by whatever is chasing them.

Once back at the car, Hans cleans Thomas' wound and agrees to take them back to their car, which they find overturned, demolished, and missing all of its tires. Incredulous, the students ask Hans repeatedly if he actually said "troll" in the woods. After asking if Thomas was so certain it was a bear that attacked him, the students let their curiosity get the better of them and ask Hans if he would allow them to follow him on his hunting trip to film what's really going on. Hans agrees on one condition: the students do exactly as he tells them, no matter what. Of course they quickly agree.

You'd be pissed too if you were
interrupted while dropping a deuce
in the woods

The next night they meet up with Hans, who proceeds to question if any of them are Christian. Confused as to the question, they all respond no, and Hans then explains that trolls can smell the blood of a Christian man, so if they believe in God or Jesus, they are a liability. They reiterate their lack of belief and the crew sets off. They return to the same woods as the previous night, where Hans has the students slather themselves in a foul-smelling troll scent. Hans carries a weapon with a bright light on one end that produces UV rays similar to sunlight that usually turns trolls to stone, but can also cause them to explode. The students wait while Hans goes into a group of trees and manages to flush out a three-headed troll that's roughly the same height as the trees. They all make a mad dash back to the Land Rover where Hans uses a rack of UV lights mounted to the top of the vehicle to turn the troll to stone. Hans then begins the arduous task of destroying the stone-troll with explosives and a jackhammer.

Finn arrives on scene a short time later. Obviously dismayed that he is being filmed, Finn discusses the troll incident with Hans. Shortly thereafter a van for a Polish painting company arrives and a crew of Polish bear trappers deliver a bear carcass which will be used to explain the killing of local farm animals committed by the troll. Finn is upset that the bear is obviously of the wrong type, but has little choice in the matter. The bear is placed and Finn begins to use a set of bear paw stilts to make fake bear prints around the bear. Finn angrily objects to what Hans is allowing the film crew to see and threatens them and their footage before leaving the scene. After firing a rifle round into the bear carcass, Hans sits down and explains to the students that he and Finn are part of the TSS, the Troll Security Service, and are responsible for making sure trolls stay in their designated habitation areas. When a troll escapes and runs amok, they are tasked with either driving them back to their homes or destroying the thing. Recently, Hans explains, a mass exodus of trolls has been seen and no one seems to know why. His intention was to get a blood sample from the troll he encountered the night Thomas got bit, called a Ringlefinch, but this recently destroyed troll was a Tosserlad, and not the same troll as before.

The next day, after setting out to find the Ringlefinch, Hans goes into more detail about the nature of trolls. He explains that there are two main groups: mountain trolls and woodland trolls. Most trolls don't grow multiple heads until later in life, and these heads are more of a useless appendage than a functional head. Their primary head only has a single eye in the middle. They can live to be over 1000 years old, and they're incredibly dumb, demonstrated by a troll Hans encountered that, while attempting to eat its own tail, ends up rolling down a hill end over end "like a wheel." He also shows the students a form that has to be filled out for the TSS each time a troll is killed, detailing the features of the troll and the circumstances of the kill.

After investigating several areas, the quartet head to a local sheep killing where Hans believes he's found indications of the troll he needs the blood sample from. Upon arriving, the students find Finn explaining to the local media how a Russian bear who traveled through Finland and Sweden is responsible for killing the sheep. He explains to a somewhat surprised reporter that the remains found under a nearby bridge are the bear's stored food, a behavior normal for Russian bears, kind of like a squirrel. Finn recognizes the students and gives them a rather cold look. As everyone heads back to the bear carcass, Thomas notes an odd feature of the nearby bear tracks. It appears the left and right paw prints are crossed, so the bear would have to have been walking cross-legged to leave tracks like that. Thomas looks over at Finn, who turns away and leaves. Hans confirms that this should be the troll they're looking for.

When they return later that night to the bridge, Hans has the students keep a good distance away from the bridge as he baits the troll with several sheep and goats. After several hours of waiting, the troll finally makes its appearance, devouring one of the sheep. The students rush out to the road near the bridge to find Hans in a full body suit of makeshift armor with a bucket of blood and a fire-extinguisher sized syringe. Explaining the blood is a Christian man's blood, Hans proceeds to dump it out on the bridge. The troll underneath is driven into a frenzy and, climbing up on the bridge, proceeds to beat the shit out of Hans, ultimately knocking him unconscious. When the troll retreats back under the bridge, the students revive Hans. He takes the syringe under the bridge, retrieves his blood sample, and flashes the troll with light, causing it to explode violently.

With the blood sample in hand, the crew heads to a local vet for examination. The vet explains that the trolls have a problem processing Vitamin D into calcium, and that exposure to sunlight or UV light causes their bodies to overreact. Their stomachs expand and flood their veins with fluids and gases. In the case of younger trolls, this causes the violent explosion. For older trolls, their veins are too constricted, so the gases and fluid enter their bones and causes them to calcify rapidly, turning to stone. While the vet doesn't have any immediate answers, she tells them it will take several days to determine if anything is wrong with the trolls that's visible in their blood.

It looks so inviting

After investigating more troll gathering areas, more potential troll activity is found. A local farmer has had several trees uprooted, which were explained to him as a localized tornado, complete with radar scans. On investigating, Hans and the students find a nearby abandoned mine that the trolls appear to have moved into. They enter the mine, though Kalle is very reluctant until Hans confirms that there are no trolls inside. Investigating the cave, they find no one home. Unfortunately, on their trip out, the trolls, this type known as Mountain Kings, return home. The group retreat back into the mine and take cover in an alcove. The trolls begin finding a comfortable spots and going to sleep. Meanwhile, Kalle is frantically rubbing the troll scent on himself. When the scent finally runs out, he reveals that he lied, and is, in fact, a Christian. Afraid for his life, the trolls nearby catch his scent and begin to stir and uncover the group. Their cover blown, they make a mad dash for the mine entrance with the trolls hot on their heels. Just as they're about to make it out, Kalle is lifted high into the air and devoured by the trolls. Johanna retrieves the camera while Thomas mourns the loss of Kalle.

The crew return to Hans' trailer to find Finn searching for their tapes. Finn tells Hans that he must travel deep into troll territory to find out what's going on with the trolls. Hans refuses because, as he later explains, he once had to massacre a slew of trolls in the area because of some tunnel work that was being done. In the end, though, he really has no choice and has to go because it is his job. The crew acquire a new camerawoman, Malica, who is Muslim. Though not a Christian, Hans is unsure what will happen with a Muslim, but is willing to see what happens.

» How does it end? «

After outfitting Hans' Land Rover with new equipment, they head out to troll country, which is surround by electric power lines that act as a sort of electric fence. They begin finding signs of what looks to be a Jotnar, a 200 foot tall mountain troll. To help narrow down where to look, they visit the local power station to see if any odd things have happened. It just so happens a large section of the power grid went down recently, giving them their starting point. Thomas then points out to the plant tech that the power lines around the troll territory are just a big circle and don't actually seem to feed power to anything. The tech agrees that it is odd, but doesn't seem overly concerned.

Concerned about what would cause a Jotnar to break out, the crew head out towards a cabin in the middle of the troll zone to see if they can find the giant troll. At the cabin, Thomas, whose shoulder bite has been bothering him on and off during this adventure, collapses in pain. While he's resting inside the cabin, a flock of disturbed birds flies by, and it appears the Jotnar may be nearby. While Hans prepares his vehicle, his cell phone rings. Thomas answers, and the vet from earlier informs him that the troll blood sample was infected with rabies. The reason for all the strange troll behavior is that one of the trolls, possibly the Jotnar, has become infected and passed it on to other groups of trolls. In fact, the shoulder wound Thomas suffered has passed the rabies on to him. Thomas can't believe it. Hans has everyone head back into the cabin as there's no time to seek medical treatment with the Jotnar so close by.

Staring out the window, the students see the Jotnar stumble through some nearby mountains toward the cabin. Outside, Hans is driving his Land Rover towards the troll, blasting Christian hymns to get the giant's attention. The enraged troll chases the Rover while the students watch. Running to catch up, they see Hans begin flashing the troll with a bright UV spotlight mounted to the top of his Rover. Before the troll can be destroyed by a sufficient dose of UV, the batteries on the Rover die. Hans drives by and picks up the students as they speed away from the now injured troll. After wearing the troll down with a chase, Hans delivers a few more shots of UV, but still not enough to kill the troll. In the meantime, the group picks up a geologist who'd been in the area investigating seismic activity. The troll gives chase and eventually swipes the Rover and rolls it over.

As everyone emerges from the damaged vehicle and checks their equipment, the Jotnar is in bad shape, but still alive. Hans prepares his backpack and a UV bazooka to finish the troll. He gives the students and geologist directions back to the highway and walks out to face the giant. With the killing blow delivered, the troll is turned to stone and collapses into a giant pile of rubble. Hans walks off into the sunrise and everyone else heads towards the highway. The geologist points to a group of vans heading towards them that appear to be Finn and his men come to take the footage they've gathered. Thomas wrestles the camera from Malica and starts sprinting for the highway. A semi truck screeches to a halt as the camera goes black.

So Trollhunter starts out in hole in film terms for most audiences. First off it's a foreign film, which usually means references to things no one here has heard of. Second, as a result of being foreign, it is subtitled, which requires reading, which (sadly) turns off a good portion of the population. Lastly, it's in the same "found footage" genre as The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield. So for those that thought the way Blair Witch was filmed was terrible, they may be discouraged by this film. While all of those reasons might hurt the movie, it's a shame because on the whole, the movie is actually really, really good.

The documentary style of filming really doesn't hurt the movie at all. It doesn't get in the way of moving the story forward and actually provides a few little nods to the audience in the things that are recorded that might not be noticed with a normal fixed camera movie. The story is somewhat original, which is nice to see in this day and age of non-stop sequels and remakes. On top of that, it's an interesting story. While the usual secret government agency story involves someone being drafted into it (a la Men In Black), in this case Hans is just tired of the job he does and decides to allow the students to film it all so it can be put out to the public. And while the purpose of the Troll Security Service is made apparent, for the most part it isn't totally given away as to who works for them and who just accepts what they're being told by them.

Perhaps the best part of the movie are the trolls. Unlike Blair Witch, there's no eternal mystery as to what's going on. This movie wouldn't have been even half as good if all we ever got were shaking trees, footprints, and hazy hints of what the troll might look like. Here, we're given full shots of every troll that's encountered, and they're all different. The trolls are really well done. They look scary without being some sort of bloody monster mess, and their size variations make each encounter unique. The amount of screen time given to the final troll is impressive given the size and situation required. It really is great to watch a film that doesn't dance around the monsters and keep them shrouded in some sort of secrecy to try and heighten tension, but ultimately ruining the final reveal by not living up to the overblown expectation.

So overall this movie is really a fun movie to watch. The pace is good, there are very few slow spots. The graphics are well done, so the trolls don't look hokey and are quite believable. If you can tolerate the subtitles and don't get motion sick from watching jerky camera movies, definitely see Trollhunter.

No stranger to subtitles, Ron Perlman is not afraid to have to do a little reading while watching a movie. He's also partial to trolls as he may or may not be part troll himself. But keep that under your hat.